We rarely frame our choices in terms of suffering, yet behavioural psychology tells us that almost everything meaningful involves some kind of discomfort, sometimes pain. Training for a marathon means early mornings, sore muscles and skipped social plans. Building a business means late nights, uncertainty and repeated rejection. Even developing emotional maturity means confronting your own blind spots and triggers.

However, avoiding those efforts is also a kind of suffering. The body you don’t train begins to ache in other ways. The business you never start becomes a constant “what if.” The unexamined patterns in your relationships harden into resentment and distance. In psychology this is called the “cost of inaction.” Our brains are wired to minimise pain in the short term, even when it compounds into greater pain over time.

The question isn’t whether you will suffer. It’s what kind of suffering you’re willing to endure. Temporary exertion or chronic regret. The acute pain of growth or the dull ache of stagnation. In cognitive-behavioural terms, this is referred to as delayed versus immediate reinforcement. We can choose the controlled discomfort of practice and discipline now, in exchange for autonomy and fulfilment later. Or we can choose relief now, and accept the long shadow of frustration and self-betrayal.

Every goal is a trade-off. Learning a new skill means embarrassment and mistakes; staying where you are means boredom and decay. Setting boundaries means awkward conversations; not setting them means ongoing resentment. Investing in therapy or coaching means vulnerability and expense; skipping it means repeating old cycles.

So the useful question to ask yourself is: which kind of suffering leads to the life you want to inhabit?