A common theme that comes up in professional coaching is how people respond to critique at work. It could be a blunt comment from a manager, a mediocre review or a piece of feedback that lands hard. Criticism can leave us feeling exposed.

The instinctive response is often to withdraw, explain, defend or even question your value. The good news is that those same moments can become turning points.

The challenge is building the skill to separate what’s useful from what’s personal; to respond in a way that serves your growth rather than your ego.

Start with what they said, not how it felt

Feedback has emotional weight. Before the feelings spiral, it helps to break the moment down using the Situation–Behaviour–Impact (SBI) model. This useful for both processing feedback and preparing to offer it to others.

It works like this:

• Situation – When and where did the event occur?
• Behaviour – What was said or done? Describe it factually.
• Impact – What was the consequence or result of that action?

For example: “In the planning meeting yesterday, I challenged the proposal before the team had shared their ideas. The team lead felt I hadn’t created enough space for discussion.”

By making feedback less abstract and more situational, you reduce the tendency to personalise it and start seeing it as data you can work with.

Strengthen your mental framing

A growth-oriented response does not mean smiling and nodding at every criticism. It means you view feedback as one part of your ongoing development instead of a verdict on your ability.

“They think I can’t lead,” you reframe to, “They’ve raised something I haven’t noticed and I can choose how to respond.”

Your framing determines whether criticism becomes a source of shame or a source of strength.

Organisations that do this well set the tone

When feedback is only delivered at formal performance reviews or when something goes wrong, it’s hard not to brace for impact. In healthier environments, feedback is part of the rhythm instead of a rare event.

The best practices I’ve seen in organisations include:

• Short, regular feedback loops that combine what went well with one area of stretch
• Multi-directional feedback, where managers also ask for input on their own leadership
• Coaching-informed conversations invite employees to reflect, replacing judgement with curiosity

This creates an atmosphere where people normalise and use feedback, rather than fear or avoid it.

Don’t get stuck in self-pity

It’s easy to retreat into “they don’t get me” or “this always happens to me.” Self-pity keeps you stuck, slows action and amplifies doubt.

A more constructive response is to ask:

• What is this moment showing me about my habits, assumptions, or blind spots?
• How do I want to respond in a way that aligns with the professional I want to be?
• What is one thing I can do next time to move the situation forward?

You don’t need to agree with every criticism, but you do need to develop the ability to sit with it, extract it for insight and decide what to do with it. That’s what turns reaction into responsibility.

Criticism may not always feel fair, and it may not always come across well. That doesn’t mean it has no value. The professionals who grow fastest are the ones who treat it as part of the work.

Thoughtful criticism helps you mature.